Saturday, 12 July 2008
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Early Morning Pantoum
She lets herself in
While I am asleep
It can't be a sin
This secret we keep
While I am asleep
She snuggles in close
This secret we keep
Which I love the most
She snuggles in close
This girl who's my missus
Which I love the most
I awake to her kisses
This girl who's my misses
Her skin warm and soft
I awake to her kisses
It's gone hot in this loft!
Igniting intense fires
This can't be a sin
Fulfills my desires
She lets herself in
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Comments (7)
Oh this is such a nice lovely poem :D I love it.
You left us on the edge of the canyon pearing out into the night... I liked the suspense here and the unspoken feeling very nice also how you began and ended with the same line very sweet poem...
LOVELY! It's so good to read your happiness in these lines.
(I don't like the word "suddenly" but I LOVE "hot in this loft")
@quiltnmomi - Thanks for the feedback. Going back for a re-read, I agree with you, so I replaced it. I also eliminated an unnecessary word from the line after.
Also, I realized I'd done something wrong. The first and third lines of the last quatrain are supposed to be the same as the second and forth lines of the penultimate quatrain. But, oh well, I like it the way it is.
Thanks again!
Great job, Jerry! I'm so proud of your pantoum!!! I love that "she lets herself in" is the first and last line of the poem. Excellent.
Again, I feel like a voyeur! (He says, as he fans himself to cool off)
Welcome back my friend........once again you have proven yourself to be the ultimate romantic. I really like your style and your visualization that you bring to your prose. I think it needs no furthur mending........thanks too for your recent comments on my poetry..........I appreciate all feedback I get............
.MML